I continue analysing why the hell i don't want to pay the price when i want something which i believe it is important for me.
I analyse ... my behaviour.
I analyse ... the whole nonsense beyond my life ... and ...
Well .... I think i am disappointed.
Too disappointed.
Yes.
The passing of time ... made me realise that ... even when i've paid the asked price ... and actually got what i wanted ... i didn't felt that joy i was expecting.
In fact ... it was nothing really special.
Unfortunately ....
So ... i've actually ... unconsciously... thought i will pay a certain price ... but what i was expecting ... was actually a
certain type of ... joy.
... which never appeared into my soul.
Never.
Today ... like a hopeless person ... i refuse to pay ... even for small things i am asked.
Yes.
I just refuse it.
... finding it really useless.
I can't change ... my behaviour.
I want ... but i can't.
I know the rules ... but ...
I actually know that i'll not get anything anymore ... if i won't pay a certain price ... and i simply pretend ... i don't understand that.
Ridiculous ... yes?!
Most certainly ...
So ... I continue smiling.
I even laugh of my childish behaviour.
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